Yes, it is a slower pace, but it is a tremendous battlefield in the mind. Does anyone else feel this? I think of things I thought I did right that turned out not to be the best for my kiddos. Things I wanted to do sometimes became burdensome to me and all of those in my family. Erma has a way of laughing all those stupid thoughts right out of my mind. Terry was asking me multiple times, "What's so funny?" I had a hard time reading the paragraph that had me in stitches. We laughed together.
This morning I began reading How to Study Your Bible, by Kay Arthur. I've been praying for more hunger for God's Word and this is a tool for that. She mentioned a Bible that was designed to be marked up with notes and helps. Usually, I don't just up and buy a new Bible, but today...I did. Maybe I didn't actually NEED a new one, but I wanted this one. I found it on Amazon and got an imitation leather edition of the Inductive Study Bible. I can hardly wait to get it.
After I made the purchase, my sweet niece, Geraldine's youngest daughter, phoned me. We talked through a lot of the feelings we've had in these past two months. We've been close for years. I was ten when she was born. Mercy, she helped me raise my sons. Everyday after school, she stopped at my house until Geraldine got off work. It was like having a mini-nanny. There was no job she didn't do from diapering to feeding them. She was funny and cute. We had many great talks. She's the same funny and cute girl as ever. I love her so much. It did a lot to help me get a jump start on my day.
After we hung up the phone, I went to town to pick up a package for Terry. I had a great time visiting with Paul and Bob. Paul was working on the roof and doesn't lack much to finish it. Bob had just finished working on one of his client's billing. I'm usually not a very good listener. I'm usually a storyteller, but today...words were few. I did listen to them. I did talk with them about Geraldine and old times along with what it is like without her. She was such a huge presence in that home, it feels empty save for the sweet guys who were good enough to share their lives with me. I never want to be in Bob's shoes - losing my spouse. God is with them...well...all of us. The pain is annoying in the way of a buzzing alarm clock. At least it isn't focused on on spot right now. It had been a good day.
Today's Prayer: Jesus, show me how to keep going on with victory.